Gaining an understanding of the various attachment styles

Learning about different attachment styles can help us better understand not only our own biases, fears, triggers, histories, and relationship patterns, but also those of the others with whom we interact.

If you're having trouble reading your date or growing closer to them despite your best attempts, it could be because of their attachment type.

Here are three clues that hint to an avoidant attachment style on his(her) part.

1. His(her) independence is notable.

Characteristic of someone with an avoidant attachment style is a propensity for working alone and setting one's own standards. They are quite proud of the fact that they do not "need" anyone else's help to carry out their responsibilities. Everything is in control, and we can't thank you enough for your assistance.

Avoidant attachment develops in young children when the primary caregiver fails to provide the child's basic needs in a way that meets the child's needs or wishes. This usually took the form of the parent being emotionally distant, leaving the child to figure out how to handle his or her emotions and difficulties on his or her own. The mature version of this personality feature is marked by a fierce need for autonomy.

2. If you try to get closer to him(she) emotionally,

He(she) becomes distant or emotionally shuts down. He(she) struggles greatly with the idea of exposure.

When you start getting into more deeply personal and emotional topics, it's almost as if a wall goes up between you and the other person. It's probable that in that instant and the days that follow, He(she) will start to withdraw from you.

Getting him(her) to open up about anything is a major challenge. This may be occurring because the individual was taught that expressing emotions is difficult (and needing support made him(her) a burden). It's conceivable he(she) has trouble expressing "positive" emotions because He (She) thinks doing so is too risky. This makes it hard to gauge His (Her) emotional state because you can never be sure if he(she) is experiencing anything at all. Because of this, understanding his(her) emotional state is challenging.

3. He(she) will do anything to avoid confrontation.

You don't just choose to ignore the problems in your relationship; you feel like you have to. He(she) stays away from anything that could lead to a fight. He(she) may emotionally and physically retreat from the situation if he(she) senses a dispute is imminent. Put another way, he(she) avoids fights like the plague. If a confrontation is unavoidable, he(she) may become defensive or try to downplay the gravity of your feelings. If an argument cannot be avoided, he(she) may take the defensive or attempt to downplay your feelings. It'll be tough to get him(her) to see things your way and accept your viewpoint.

I invite you to join my Life Coaching program if you're ready to start making positive changes in your life. We'll talk about things like forgiveness, happiness, empowerment, and more, all of which may play a role in helping you reframe your life and find your true calling. Don't be shy; Way of the Wise Owl is a non-profit organization, and your consultation with us will cost you nothing. Let's cross our fingers and hope for a speedy response.

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— The Way of the Wise Owl by Dagmarie Daniels